Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by US Air Force pilots and the replies from the maintenance crews: Problem: "Left inside main tire almost needs replacement."Solution: "Almost replaced left inside main tire." Problem: "Test flight OK, except auto land very rough."Solution: "Auto land not installed on this aircraft." Problem #1: "#2 Propeller seeping prop fluid."Solution #1: "#2 Propeller seepage normal."Problem #2: "#1, #3, and #4 propellers lack normal seepage." Problem: "The autopilot doesn't."Signed off: "IT DOES NOW." Problem: "Something loose in cockpit."Solution: "Something tightened in cockpit." Problem: "Evidence of hydraulic leak on right main landing gear."Solution: "Evidence removed." Problem: "DME volume unbelievably loud."Solution: "Volume set to more believable level." Problem: "Dead bugs on windshield."Solution: "Live bugs on order." Problem: "Autopilot in altitude hold mode produces a 200 fpm descent."Solution: "Cannot reproduce problem on ground." Problem: "IFF inoperative."Solution: "IFF inoperative in OFF mode." Problem: "Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick."Solution: "That's what they're there for." Problem: "Number three engine missing."Solution: "Engine found on right wing after brief search."
