Camping Tips

* When using a public campground, a tuba placed on your picnic table will keep the campsites on either side vacant. * Get even with a bear who raided your food bag by kicking his favorite stump apart and eating all the ants. * Old socks can be made into high fiber beef jerky by smoking them over an open fire. * When smoking a fish, never inhale. * A hot rock placed in your sleeping bag will keep your feet warm. A hot enchilada works almost as well, but the cheese sticks between your toes. * The best backpacks are named for national parks or mountain ranges. * Steer clear of parks named for landfills. * While the Swiss Army Knife has been popular for years, the Swiss Navy Knife has remained largely unheralded. Its single blade functions as a tiny canoe paddle. * Modern rain suits made of fabrics that "breathe" enable campers to stay dry in a downpour. Rain suits that sneeze, cough, and belch, however, have been proven to add absolutely nothing to the wilderness experience. * Lint from your navel makes a handy fire starter. Warning: Remove lint from navel before applying the match. * You'll never be lost if you remember that moss always grows on the north side of your compass. * You can duplicate the warmth of a down-filled bedroll by climbing into a plastic garbage bag with several geese. * When camping, always wear a long-sleeved shirt. It gives you something to wipe your nose on. * You can compress the diameter of your rolled up sleeping bag by running over it with your car.

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