Footballing definitions

Football: A game consisting of 22 skilled players, one impartial referee, two eagle eyed referee's assistants and one stupid ball. Teammate: Another person that you have to dribble around Fans: Two sets of abusive referees Offside: The Bermuda Triangle area of the pitch where "innocent" players are drawn towards. Scoring: When 11 men spontaneously start dancing and kissing, regardless of any injuries, whilst 11 others droop like wallflowers Striker: Faultless, overpaid, box hogging lay about whom only misses the goal when he is fed a bad ball Defender: Player who's function is to commit fouls just outside of the penalty area Ball: Round object used by referees to entice players into committing fouls.

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